The Woman In Me and the Church

I have struggled with developing a healthy view of femininity for most of my life. I am determined and intelligent and capable of accomplishing many things and of doing them well; my family refers to me as "a mover and a shaker", whatever that means. Yet, despite my qualifications, intellect, and abilities, I can't seem to find my place within the church. It doesn't make sense, really. Each time I try to minister within the body, I cannot get past the gender alarm that screeches, "She's a woman! She shouldn't be allowed to teach men or hold office within the church!" and every time I have asked why I have gotten essentially the same answer, Genesis 3:1-7. Eve fell prey to the serpent's crafty plan and therefore all women should not be trusted with teaching men or in church office. Some gate-keepers gave more carefully worded arguments supported by great theological minds, but essentially it always comes down to this passage in Genesis, the beginning of the powerful, yet powerless woman.

I have heard almost every variation of this argument, but I know that at least one response to this post will still surprise me. Yet, what these people miss is the major implication of that Genesis 3 story: women were made to be powerful influencers.

God made Adam from dust, but Eve He made from bone. He created her to be complex and strong, to give structure to order, to be resilient, to bear a load and be a companion. The serpent picked his target well in the garden. He picked the one that shared a name with God, "Help-Meet", the one who would carry life and vitality within her womb. He picked the one who would think more of her mate than of herself. Many preachers defame Eve saying that she was stupid and couldn't even remember God's ONLY commandment correctly. They don't give her the benefit of the doubt, but I would like to. I have often wondered why Eve gave the fruit to Adam to eat and why she didn't realize what she had done before giving it to him. The answer is there in verse 6, "So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate." Putting myself in Eve's shoes, I would think I am giving my husband the best thing I could find. Giving him food that was good for him. Her thought was of her husband and the serpent exploited her natural tendency. The serpent knew that Eve would be seeking Adam's good and knew that was his way in. They ate the forbidden fruit, broke God's law, and sin entered the world. Most preachers ignore this fact, but not in an obvious way. The crafty serpent deceives them as well. Every sermon I have heard on sin entering the world grossly misrepresents what really happened, and yet it took me 18 years to see it for what it really is. Most preachers will indicate that Eve began sinning before the act of eating the fruit. They will argue that Eve "lusted" after the fruit and in so doing, she sinned. But here is the problem, sin didn't begin with lust, it began with disobedience. God never said that they could not look at the tree or admire it, He simply said not to eat of it. And that is what they did, in disobedience. Am I saying that Eve played no role in disobeying God? No. Am I saying that she was a victim of Satan's exploitation of her God-given desires to give her husband the best she could find? Yes. Sin did not originate with humans, that was Satan's creation, he just found a way to pass it along and ruin God's plan. Or at least he made his best effort.

I find that Satan's oppression of women extends far beyond Genesis 3 though. Throughout history, women have been degraded, chained, used, hated, and slapped around. Some would argue that the church is to blame for this, but I do not agree. I think they miss the true culprit behind this misogynistic mindset: Satan. He picked his target in the garden; a way to get at God via the one who shared His name. And the assault continues to this day. Eating disorders, depression, body image, violence against women, equal rights/equal pay, sexual harassment, these are just a few of the ways Satan tries to keep woman, "Help-meet", from knowing her true name. Sadly, these efforts do not stop at church doors. Satan uses Eve's history, the one thing that would stop us in our tracks, to stop us from serving God to our fullest in the church. We agree, saying that the church is right and we shouldn't be trusted, completely forgetting that we have been redeemed from that past.

I think that is why Satan has us running scared. He doesn't want us to live in light of that redemption because if we did, we would be a formidable foe.

I think I am beginning to understand femininity and how beautifully it fits within the body of Christ, the problem it seems, is with the body. It's like only using the right side and letting the left just sit there, useless, burdensome, and wasting. I see so many godly, gifted women in the church who have been told that it's not their place to teach men or hold office, when in their careers they lead (men and women) dynamically. But to the use of these gifts, the church tells them no. Because you are a woman.

I hope and pray that God will begin changing the hearts of church leaders to embrace His name bearers and the distinctly feminine gifts God has given them.

We are the outsiders

As all my readers know, I am a Christian, but what you probably don't know that I have been struggling with that label for many years. I have seen the church and so-called Christians do things that made me ashamed to identify myself as part of the same group. 

The term Christian evokes a certain stereotype which I try to break, but there is a good reason for stereotypes: they are usually painfully accurate. The stereotypical Christian only listens to "Christian" music, probably has a fish on their car, is a conservative republican, is judgmental, has friends just like them, goes to church every Sunday, wants to marry a pastor (if female), or a Proverbs 31 woman (if male), sees everything in black and white and thinks that Obama is the anti-christ. 

Does this bother any believers out there? It should. It should bother you that the first thing people think when they hear that you are a Christian is "unforgiving", "up tight" and "republican". Why isn't the Christian label associated with compassion, understanding and forgiveness? 

Author Anne Rice recently published a press release stating that she is leaving Christianity. Now, let me be clear, I was surprised to find out she is a believer and not surprised at the reasons why she said she is leaving. She called Christians "quarrelsome" and said she cannot be "anti-gay, anti-feminist, anti-science and anti-Democrat". Which is good considering we are to "Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." (Romans 12:9-18)

Why are we so negative that even people who share our beliefs cannot, because of their own conscience, remain within the group? 

I probably will never do anything as drastic as Anne Rice, but her words do make me wonder what is going on with the church these days. I have seen some real hardness of heart from within the church body that genuinely concerns me. The more I learn about social work the more I am convinced that the church has stopped caring about the culture at large, but we have gotten very good at condemning it. Yet what we fail to realize is that we are part of the problem. We have not done the simple things God has called us to do. We think we can do the fixing and make people all better, when really all we try to do is make people just like us. 

My greatest fear is that one day churches will hold all the same people, that there will be no variation within the body because the church killed it.

I continue to feel as though I do not fit into the mold that the Christian label demands: I am a woman who wants a career outside the home, I continue to show grace to my gay friends, I refuse to participate in Obama jokes and I don't claim affiliation with any political party.

I think this song by Needtobreathe sums up my thoughts well:

Shortfalls of little sins 
Close calls and no one wins 
Stand tall but running thin 
I’m wearing thin 

Oh, why are we keeping score? 
Cause if you’re not laughing, 
Who is laughing now? 
I’ve been wondering 
If we stop sinking 
Could we stand our ground? 
And through everything we’ve learned 
We’ve finally come to terms, 
We are the outsiders. 
Oh, we are the outsiders, oh 

I’m not leaving without a fight. 
I got my holster around my side. 
Just ‘cause I’m wrong it don’t make you right. 
No you ain’t right. 

Oh, why are we keeping score? 
Cause if you’re not laughing, 
Who is laughing now? 
I’ve been wondering if we stop sinking, 
Would we stand our ground? 
And through everything we’ve learned, 
We’ve finally come to terms. 
We are the outsiders, 
Oh we are the outsiders, 

On the outside, 
You’re free to roam 
On the outside 
We found it home 
On the outside 
There’s more to see 
On the outside 
We choose to be
On the outside 

Book Review: We the Living

I literally stumbled upon this book in my search for a list of modern classics. I typically don't read books with an original publishing date of later than 1920 (with a few exceptions), and I felt the need to "expand my horizons" so to speak. Expand my horizons it did. I was introduced to new concepts like the "proletarian state" and the "dictatorship of the proletarian" and the use of the term "bourgeoisie" as a pejorative. But more importantly, in this book I found that the human spirit, the God-given drive to live and let live is something that should be cherished and when taken away, life ends in broken spirits, broken bodies, and dulled minds.

The book opens on Kira Argounova (the protagonist) and her family returning to Saint Petersburg, then called Petrograd, at the end of the Bolshevik Revolution in 1922 and the beginning of the bloody rule of Communism. Kira, a bright girl with a sharp mind, decides to attend the Technical Institute to become an engineer. Being the daughter of a "capitalist bourgeoisie" later prevents her dream from being realized because of "purges" in the educational system. The "purge" simply meant that any students whose parents were formerly employers of the masses were expelled from universities and forced to either take government jobs or starve. But Kira refuses to give in to the philosophy that dictates that individuals have no meaning and should do nothing, not even think for themselves, but serve the state. Kira struggles against the Communist tide that sought to overpower her and those she loved. At the beginning of the book (part 1), Kira effectually proclaims to her family and to her classmates, "I will not cease to think! I will not go quietly into the blackness of thoughtless, meaningless submission and sacrifice my humanity for the masses." This ultimately played a part in her struggle for survival. In part 2, we see the curtain open on an older Kira. A woman who knows the power of love for another, the kind of love that would cause her to turn from, "I will not cease to think!" to "Don't think!" simply to save the one she loves more than her own soul, yet that love in the end is not returned. Kira is faced with the harsh reality that she cannot save anyone from the poison of a dead spirit, they have to save themselves. 

As I read this book, I realized how much I take for granted. I sit here, stretched out on my favorite comfy "writing couch", in an apartment that I can call both home and mine, waiting to finish a master degree, using my computer to write these words to you. And all this I do freely of my own volition because I am alive. Life, how often I do not realize its value! 

This essentially is the core theme of We the Living: the sanctity of human life. I think this is why this book resonates so strongly with me.This is the very reason I have decided to go into the field of social work. Every life is valuable, no it is invaluable. It cannot be priced, bar-coded, or measured by length, social standing, or fame because every life brings with it the unspoken promise of something. I believe each person has an individual something they bring with them and with it bless the lives of others. 
But here is where We the Living falls silent, it does not offer any explanation of what makes human life precious. I do not know if the author, Ayn Rand, believed in God or not, but if she did she would have been able to give a reason for the sanctity of human life. We are created in the image of the Creator God and we are the only beings that can claim that truth. That, in my mind, is what gives life its value.

When people stop believing in the value of life, evil raises its ugly head. Lenin killed his millions, Stalin his hundreds of millions simply because they valued social gain over human life (ironically). Men who held to a philosophy that claimed to bring equality and peace brought inequality, fear, bloodshed, and war. 

What I took away from reading this book can best be described in two ways, first: the pendulum never swings to the middle. I will leave the full explanation of this to the physicists, but we all know it has something to do with the law of gravity: what goes up, must come down. 

The second is well articulated by Kira and reverberates within my soul,"Now look as me! Take a good look! I was born and I knew I was alive and I knew what I wanted. What do you think is alive in me? Why do you think I'm alive? Because I have a stomach and eat and digest the food? Because I breathe and work and produce more food to digest? Or because I know what I want, and that something which knows how to want- isn't that life itself? And who--in this damned universe--who can tell me why I should live for anything but for that which I want? Who can answer that in human sounds that speak for human reason?...But you've tried to tell us what we should want. You came as a solemn army to bring a new life to men. You tore that life you knew nothing about, out of their guts--and you told them what it had to be. You took their every hour, every minute, every nerve, every thought in the farthest corners of their souls--and you told them what it had to be. You came and you forbade life to the living. You've driven us all into an iron cellar and you've closed all doors, and you've locked us airtight till the blood vessels of our spirits burst! Then you stare and wonder what it's doing to us. Well, then look! All of you who have eyes left--look!"

I have heard it said that good literature is read by the masses, but great literature works its way past bone and marrow and touches ones soul. By that definition, I would say We the Living is great literature.

Equality Now

I'm a little bit of a feminist. I'm not talking about feminazis or the bra-burners, but if I could go back in time I would stand next to Sojourner Truth and echo "Ain't I a woman?"

I couldn't agree more with Joss Whedon when he says that misogyny is not a true part of the human condition and that it takes away from our quality of life. Men and women were created equal, different, but equal. That equality, when it is fully realized, is such a beautiful thing and lives are changed. Right now, Iran is holding a woman, Sakineh, for supposedly committing adultery. There is a large campaign going on to save this woman from stoning and death. Iran has a long history of violence against women and it is time for that to end.

Why are women so often the focus of hate around the world? More often than not, women are viewed as dangerous. They are painted as the reason that sin came into the world and as a stumbling block to holiness and righteousness. Well here is some news, they are right in thinking that women are dangerous. Yes, we are dangerous because we have love, life, warmth, healing, gentleness, and strength within us and to those who spew hatred, those things are very dangerous.

Yet this effort to make women less than what they are does not end with the overt efforts of injustice by countries like Iran. No, our own American culture continues its own attempts neuter women to make them just like men, or at least a little less womanly. In today's culture, women are told that in order to be successful, you must be cold and calculating, unfeeling and self-focused. A successful woman will look no different from a man. I beg to differ. A successful woman is loving, warm, concerned with the welfare of others, eager to help others, and able to withstand the worst that life can throw at her. I know many such women, yet none of them would be labeled "successful" by our cultural standards. Perhaps what needs to be changed is our definition of success, from being an ideal to the reality of being who we are, completely and truthfully.

"Because equality is not a concept. It is not something we should be striving for. Equality is a necessity. Equality is like gravity, we need it to be able to stand on this earth as men and women. And the misogyny that is in every culture is not a true part of the human condition, it is life out of balance and that imbalance is sucking something out of the soul of every man and woman who is confronted with it. We need equality, kinda now." -Joss Whedon

Click here to sign the petition to save Sakineh.

International Justice Mission

Hello everyone, I realize it has been a while since I've posted, for which I apologize I have been quite busy since my semester ended. Now to pick up where I left off. I want to share some information about an organization called International Justice Mission (IJM). 

"International Justice Mission is a human rights agency that secures justice for victims of slavery, sexual exploitation and other forms of violent oppression. IJM lawyers, investigators and aftercare professionals work with local governments to ensure victim rescue, to prosecute perpetrators and to strengthen the community and civic factors that promote functioning public justice systems.

IJM's justice professionals work in their communities in 12 countries in Asia, Africa and Latin America to secure tangible and sustainable protection of national laws through local court systems." 

But that is just a snap shot of what they do. They also provide rehabilitation for individuals rescued from the sex slave trade and give them skills training to give them jobs to keep them from being victimized again. The work IJM does in each country is truly extraordinary because it is lead by nationals, not Americans who do not know the language and culture. This is what sets IJM apart from so many other "good will" organizations like the Red Cross or Samaritans Purse. IJM is not a group of doe-eyed Americans wanting to make life better for the less fortunate, it is an international group of legal professionals who know the political, legal, and cultural climate of countries like India, Romania, etc that work to free victims of violent crimes and bring the perpetrators to justice. Essentially, IJM brings freedom and empowerment to the victimized so that they are victims no more and equips them to be strong members of their communities. 

IJM places an emphasis on holistic care, meaning they care for a persons body, mind, and soul, as well as the environment and community the person resides in. This emphasis is what has drawn me to this organization and is the reason I want to work for them in the future. I have a great deal of respect for this organization and all they have accomplished over the last decade. If you want to learn more about IJM and the work they are doing around the world, visit : www.ijm.org and read the accounts of those who were helped by IJM. 

What is a Social Worker?

I realized today that I have neglected to write about social work! I apologize and will try to make up for it.

For some of my readers the above question may sound a little boring, but trust me, even social workers don't know the full extent of their own field of practice because it is constantly expanding. Most people associate social workers with child protection agencies who come into the home and tear families apart, but that doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of what a social worker does.

The best definition I have heard is that a social worker is a resource. Social workers are community based and are charged with knowing about community resources, such as transportation for the disabled, translation services for the hearing impaired (sign language), support groups for substance abusers and their families, job services for criminals on parole, counseling services, etc. This list could go on and on, but basically social workers are there to help people who don't know where to turn, or maybe they have fallen in a "gap" inbetween services and don't know what to do, or maybe they just need some basic education about something they are facing but don't know who to talk to. A social workers job is to reach out and meet the needs of individuals and organizations in their community. This can be done through a variety of different ways, for example, a school social worker is charged with helping students and their families with needs related to school involvement. When issues arise that are outside that realm, the social worker is expected to know who to refer too and still expected to follow the situation to provide any assistance the family or individual might need.

Let me give a historical example of what a social worker does by talking about one of the most famous social workers, Jane Adams. In 1889, Jane and a friend started a settlement house in Chicago now known as Hull House. This was a place that immigrants (mostly Polish) came and learned skills such as sewing, reading, writing, health care, and received training in English taught by prestigious professors from neighboring universities. All at no cost to participants. Hull House continued to grow over the years to serve over 2,000 people every week, ranging in age from toddlers to older adults. Hull House became a well known community resource that everyone, not just Polish immigrants, used.

Hopefully that gives you a better understanding of what it is that social workers do. Any time someone experiences a transition in their life, like a baby being born, a diagnosis of cancer, or the passing of a loved one, a social worker would be equipped to help you navigate that transition, or if they can't they at least would know of or be able to find someone who could. Social workers can be found in almost every field, education, different types of industry, buisness, research, they have an effect on legislation, immigration, social services, medical and health care related fields, counseling, mental health, etc. And this list is constantly expanding.

Now you might be wondering, with all the possibilities, what I plan to do with my social work degree. That is the beauty of social work, I have many different interests and just as many possibilies. I am looking into the possibility of doing research in the field, right now I am interning at a gerontological doctor's office (a doctor who specializes in people over age 65) which I really enjoy, I also have a background in working with people with disabilities and would like to do some disability advocacy and help reform ADA legislation. I would like to work for International Justice Mission to help rehabilitate women and children who have been freed from the sex slave trade. And international adoptions interest me, as well as educating foster parents about being a foster parent. I would also like to work on a church staff as a church social worker to help coordinate services within the church and coordinate efforts of the church to meet the needs of the community. This and so much more!

I hope this gives my readers a better picture of what a social worker does. If you have any questions feel free to ask, or if you have been helped by a social worker I would love to hear your story. Take some time to check out the links. I will be spot lighting IJM in my next post because they really are a phenomenal organization.

Bible College Knowledge But She's Still Got Book

I know, random title but it was the first thing that popped in my head as I sat down to write this. I'm going to tie it in, I promise, just stick with me.

This is my third week of fasting and praying and God has shown me more about myself than anything else. I realized something as I was praying the other day: I am a very cerebral person. I'm sure all my readers already know this fact, but to be honest I have been a little oblivious. My prayers, up to this point, have been very theologically sound, very focused on God and his character, and very full of Scripture, and yet I still have felt that I am not...connecting. Like I am talking to a professor instead of a friend. 

That's when it hit me, prayer is relational. Why? Because God is a relational God. How do I know that God is relational? Let's start at the beginning, Genesis 3:8 "And they heard the sound of the LORD* God walking in the garden in the cool of the day..." Can you imagine? What would it have sounded like to hear the Creator God walking in the garden? And this all powerful Creator was looking for Adam and Eve. God, Elohim (meaning: God as Creator, Preserver, Transcendent, Mighty and Strong), came looking for those created in his image. He wanted to be with them, talk with them, listen to them, and wanted them to be with him. He wanted his creation to enjoy his presence up close and personal. Then we find out the sad truth, "..and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man and said to him, "Where are you?'"  This hits me all over again as I type this, the divine "but". That word is key here because God already knew that Adam and Eve had sinned. He knew exactly where they were and why they were hiding, he didn't need Adam to tell him because God is all knowing, seeing the hearts of men (1 Samuel 16:7, Psalm 51:9-10).

BUT GOD, what wonderful words! Acts 10:39-41, Acts 13:29-31, Romans 5:7-9, 1 Corinthians 1:26-28,  1 Corinthians 7:6, 2 Timothy 2:19, "BUT GOD being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our sins has made us alive together with Christ- by grace you have been saved" Ephesians 2:4-5.

Second, lets look at Jesus for proof of God's personalness. My favorite passage in Luke could be used here (Luke 7:11-16), but instead I want to cite John 4:5-26- the passage known as the woman at the well. Jesus, the very Son of God who was yet fully God and fully man, spoke to this woman who was half Jew. Now, understanding the cultural context is key. Women were not valued in this time period, and Samaritans were looked upon as mongrels- dirty half-bloods. Jesus spoke to this woman in love, not condemnation, to open her eyes to truth and forgiveness. Jesus already knew her and how she lived. He did not need her to tell him about herself, but he wanted her to tell him. (He told her, "Go, call your husband and come back." ¹⁷"I have no husband," she replied.

   Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. ¹⁸The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.") 

I feel as though I have lost this sense of a personal God. Not a god that I can make into my own image, but a God who is never changing, knows me down to the very hairs on my head, and yet wants to hear about my daily struggles. I went to a small Bible College where I learned many things, I learned the importance of exegesis, how to study the Scriptures, apologetics, and even how to ask questions. One thing I forgot to do was to connect my head with my heart. I think this is one of the big reasons why I do not understand prayer. In order to "get" prayer, I need to reconnect with the One to whom I am praying. Just as in Hebrews 4, my great high priest knows every depth of what I feel and think, BUT he wants to hear it from me.

Spring and other touristy things

I decided to take a trip to Charleston yesterday on a whim. I love photography, but haven't been able to spend much time on it since my hand surgery in December. Being still unsure of my hand strength, I decided to take two disposable cameras with me as a test run to see if I can hold onto a camera without dropping it. Thankfully it went well. I am posting some of the pictures I took yesterday. Enjoy!

With the sights and sounds of the Market...

                                    This is Jim. He plays at the Market regularly.

                                          X marks the spot!

No trip to Charleston is complete without a shot of Market wares.

                                                It was hard turning down free samples...

      Then I spied St. Philips grave yard.

    As soon as I entered the noise of the city fell away.

 This was the quietest place I'd ever been. I almost forgot I was in the middle of Charleston.

                                          Cool shadow.
I thought a lot about my journey in exploring prayer while I was walking through this church yard. I sat down and wrote out some of my thoughts which I will share later. Hope y'all enjoyed my tour of the Market.

Fuzzy Green Friends

I spent most of the afternoon Sunday cleaning out my fridge. I'm sure most of you know why that needed to occur. You cook something really good for dinner and say to yourself, "This will be even better tomorrow." And so you put it in a glad container, and what happens? You forget about it. Your succulent culinary masterpiece is shoved to the back of the fridge where it starts to grow over time. And grow, and grow, and...well you get the picture. Then one day your hand brushes the container when reaching for the milk and you pull it out wondering, "What was that?" totally unable to recognize its contents as edible food.


Thus I began my preparation for this 40 day fast that I am now 2 days into. I am participating in a nation wide call to college and graduate student believers to fast and pray for their campuses. Really this would be considered a partial fast, because I will still be eating over the next 40 days, I will simply be fasting from certain foods. 
It's called the Daniel fast, taken from the first chapter of the book of Daniel. Daniel was an Israelite who was taken to Babylon as a slave in the king's court and was to eat certain foods to be strong for the kings service. Daniel and his fellow Israelites fasted from meat and wine, eating only vegetables and drinking water to "not defile himself with the kings food." (Daniel 1:8-21). God rewarded their faithfulness and gave them skill and wisdom in the kings courts. The Daniel fast is modified in that, in addition to vegetables, you are allowed to eat fruit and nuts and drink juice. The general rule is no meats and no sweets. Whole grains only, no white flour. As you participate in this fast, you are to pray and as I shared earlier, prayer is a part of the Christian life I simply do not understand and have struggled with for some time. I want to know how it works and why. My theology that God is totally in control of what happens and that he never changes poses a problem, in my mind, to the "power of prayer". If my prayers do not cause God to change, what is their purpose? Is prayer just a one sided conversation? These and so many other questions have entered my mind on the topic of prayer. I have researched, I have read, and still I am not satisfied. I need to experience this thing called prayer on a daily basis to truly understand it. Perhaps understanding prayer isn't really the point of this discipline of fasting and prayer. Maybe its purpose lies in drawing near to God. Maybe in focusing less on myself and more on others, or maybe in something that I have not yet discovered. 


Sunday morning Dr. Ferguson preached on prayer. I call that divine appointment, you can call it whatever you like. The scripture was Psalm 109:4, "In return for my love they accuse me, but I give myself to prayer." In Hebrew the last half of that sentence reads, "...but I prayer." David cannot separate himself from prayer; there is no division between praying and not praying because prayer is always an expression of need and David has recognized that he is always in need before his accusers and before the Holy God of Israel. 
Out of anything I could have done to understand prayer better and to grow my prayer life, fasting- being reminded of my need of God by every hunger pain and desire for chocolate or coffee- will help me accomplish this. 


My goal for the next 40 days: To understand prayer as the key element in the Christian life.


I will leave you with a quote about prayer:

“Prayer is one of the weirdest things in the world. People do not become enamored and helped by a Christianity that glosses over its weirdness and tries to make it easy and palatable and boring. Christianity comes alive to people when they see it is weird and you say, yeah it’s weird, wildly weird, it’s so weird it’s true!” -John Piper

Try to stay awake: the President has a healthcare Bill to pass - Times Online

Try to stay awake: the President has a healthcare Bill to pass - Times Online

"Warning: watching American politicians argue about healthcare can be seriously damaging to your health. Symptoms may include migraines, extreme fatigue and sudden violent urges. In the event of exposure to competing statistics — regarding "donut holes", "HMO deductibles", "reconciliation devices" or suchlike — seek immediate medical help."

This article had me rolling in the floor! If you are as frustrated as I am over the healthcare debate, this will make you smile and probably lower your blood pressure back to the normal range. Go ahead, enjoy your hamburger as you read this article. It's worth it.

Looking to March

Hi everyone, I have some exciting things coming up in the month of March that I will be writing about.

First, the month of March is National Social Work Month and I want my blog to serve as a place that will inspire curiosity about the field of social work and also provide information about the past, present, and future of the field. I will post something every week about the "movers and shakers" of the social work field and how they have influenced the way social work is practiced today. Also, I will share a little of my own journey in the field and write about the one question that people never fail to ask when I tell them I am getting a Masters degree in Social Work, "Huh, so what are you going to do with that?"

Second, I have decided to participate in prayer and fasting from March 1- April 9. Now before you close out this window thinking, "Wow, talk about a religious wacko!" hear me out. I am a firm believer in Jesus Christ, but that doesn't mean I don't struggle with my faith. For the last two years I have had a hard time with prayer. I don't understand it, I don't understand how it works, does anything happen when I pray? Why? When I pray, I don't understand what I should say or how to say it. The engineer in me wants God to draw back the curtain of heaven so I can watch what happens when believers pray. Unfortunately, I am one of those people who, if I don't understand it I am less likely to do it. I have really struggled with prayer for a while now; I have researched prayer forwards and backwards, looked into the Greek and Hebrew and still have questions about it. The conclusion I have come to is that prayer is one of those things you won't understand unless you do it. Kind of like knitting, you can sit there and stare at the pictures describing how to knit all day long but until you pick up the needles and thread, you will never know how to knit. I am hoping to gain from this experience a deeper understanding of who God is and a deeper understanding of prayer. I haven't decided how much of this experience I will share since it is so personal, but you can expect some funny food stories. I will be writing about the particular fast I'll be doing later.

Right about now you may be asking, "Courtney, where have you found all this extra time to blog?" Well, I wish I could say that my days have magically lengthened from 24 hours to 30, thus giving me an extra 6 hours to think about and edit what I will be posting, but that would just sound silly. The truth is, I don't have any extra time, I have just decided to shift a few things around and make the time. That means I may not write about the fasting project every week, but I will keep my few (but loyal) readers up to date. Expect to hear more soon.

Demotivator of the day

For all my artistic friends. May you never know the truth of what is written below!

Courtesy of despair.com

Of graduate school and other musings

Here's one tiny bit of information that they won't include in your grad school orientation: your classes will suck the life out of you and you won't even know it! Someone should have suggested grad school as a "Big Bad" on BtVS. Hyperbole? Maybe, maybe not.

In other news, I continue to face challenges in my development as a social worker and as a Christian. The most recent being in a class about group dynamics. My professor lectured for more than an hour about listening (no joke) and then had the entire class do an exercise based on his lecture. The challenge wasn't so much in what he said, but what he wanted us to do in the exercise. We were supposed to practice listening skills and the one thing he stressed over and over was that true listening cannot take place unless you "...empty yourself to make space for others." A red flag (ok, maybe just pink) was raised in my mind. Here are some of the points he made:

1. To empty ourselves of our agendas in order to be able to hear those of others- no problem with this one

2. To empty ourselves of our prejudices, biases, stereotypes, projections, etc. in order to see and hear what is real- I understand what he means, but the way he said it made me uncomfortable.

3. To empty ourselves of our expectations and required outcomes- no problem, basically don't expect that the other person wants advice.

4. To empty ourselves of the need or organize or control a group or person or our environment or an outcome- no problem with that.

5. To empty ourselves of the need to be "Captain of our Fate" to surrender our lives to a "Higher Power" a spirit greater than ourselves- red flag, DANGER! WILL ROBINSON!

6. To empty ourselves of the defensive barriers that prevent the intimacy you really want- no problems there.

Why did this issue of "emptying" bother me so much? For one, when you empty something, you are preparing to put something else in its place and the question that should be asked is, "Is this (fill in the blank here) good for me?" I thought that was an issue that my professor would naturally discuss, but oddly enough it never came up. I think it's a valid question. If the key to really listening is to empty myself, shouldn't I be careful about what I listen to?

This point leads me to what really bothered me about this idea of emptying: we cannot truly "...empty ourselves" of anything because we are made up of things from our environment, family of origin, life experiences, memories, emotions, etc. We cannot flip a switch and become a tabula rasa, blank slate, because we were never one to begin with (ever noticed how babies can tell a difference between babies that look like they do and other babies that don't?). However, it is possible to set those things aside temporarily in order to listen to others. Semantics? Maybe, maybe not.

Seriously, Joss Whedon missed a great story arc by not letting his characters go to grad school. Buffy would have kicked some philosophical ass.

Demotivator of the Day

Courtesy of: http://www.despair.com

Why calling myself a Republican makes me cringe (because I'm too conservative to be a Democrat)

Over the summer I took some time to re-examine my political party affiliations and was nonplussed to discover that my own brand of politics, for the most part, doesn't match up with that of the Republican party. I agree with the pro-life agenda and the idea that big government is bad government, but here is where I found myself beginning to separate from the party line: the manner in which Republicans go about "proving" their point is so full of informal logical fallacies that it gives me philosophical indigestion.

For example, rebuttals to democrat attempts to advance an argument are met with ad hominem fallacy or attacking the person making the argument as opposed to the argument itself. I don't think I need to give an example for this one, just turn on FoxNews.

Another favorite tactic is when a certain radio talk show host attacks a misrepresentation of a democrat's argument. This, I have noticed, is a favorite on both sides but it seems that the republicans have a lot more material to work with.

While I realize that both sides employ these fallacies to differing degrees (I mean, we are talking about politics), the way the party defines a persons life in terms of economics gives me moral ulcers. If you are rich it's because you've worked for it (not always true), and if you are poor it's because you're lazy. I think you can see where I am going with this. These are just a few of the things that make me want to separate from the party line, only I don't know where else I would go.

And so I am left with questions. Are these musings simply a product of the stage of life and post-modern culture I am in? Will I ever be satisfied with my political party of choice? Why am I still going into the field of social work knowing that I cannot stand the politics of it?

At least I have an answer to this one question: why there are so many antacid commercials during presidential campaign season.

My thoughts on the field in general

As classes begin again and I am bombarded with theories and speculations about the human condition, I am once again faced with a very stark reality: the field of Social Work is very materialistic. This truth is something that I struggled with last year because I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around it. How could a profession that is devoted to helping the helpless be so short sighted? I talked this over with a friend who is also in the same program I am in and she pointed out that a lot of emphasis is placed on students doing social work because helping people makes them feel better, thus setting the stage for them to provide their clients with an easy fix so that the social worker can then get their "fix". For example, I read a case study about a social worker in Los Angeles who thought that the best way to stop youth from joining gangs was to give them jobs so that they could earn money and feel like productive members of society. The social worker didn't address any reasons why youth would find gang affiliation attractive, nor any underlying social expectations that may exist within the community. This article is just one example of many that represents a big problem in the social work field: a lack of depth and emphasis on holistic care. I wanted to be a social worker because I thought that staying within the church walls would limit me to only providing spiritual care and encouragement but, I am finding that there is just as much of a limitation in the secular field on the other end of the spectrum.

Can a middle ground exist? Yes, at least I think so. As long as the social workers motivation is to help people, not to make themselves feel better, but to show God's love and acceptance then a middle ground can exist there and it can give great comfort and help to those who are in need.

I think one reason God has me in this field is to bring depth and holistic care to the way practitioners view their clients situation. That, at least, will be my goal for my own practice.

BBC News- Technology
“A detailed, functional artificial human brain can be built within the next 10 years, a leading scientist has claimed.”
This artificial brain will be able to process sight, allowing researchers to trace the neuronpath through the brain, the same is true for other types of stimulation like smell, etc. The scientists even said that this brain will be able to process emotions!
“You need one laptop to do all the calculations for one neuron,” he said. “So you need ten thousand laptops.”

This research could help develop new treatments for the mentally ill and those who have suffered brain trauma. While all of this is really great, innovative stuff, I am amazed by something else that is much bigger than an artificial brain manufactured by a bunch of scientists. That is the fact that God created this marvelous machine, the human brain, that interacts not only things seen, but also with things unseen. We can take reality and change it to metaphor and back again. God made a special neuron pathway in our brains just so that we could feel love, understand truth, and experience the touch of another human being. He gave us the ability to enjoy his creation and to glorify him for it! He gave us the ability to feel wonder, bewilderment, anger, pain, and peace. He has revealed his love for us in these things; he has revealed his lovingkindness for us in Jesus. And he created us with the ability to know that love.
That, my friends, is truly amazing.

Ready to Be There

Have you ever had one of those moments when you feel that life is moving just a little too slowly and you feel so impatient that you wish you could find a fast forward button?
Well, that hasn’t been just a moment for me it’s been the last few months.
I know that for everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1) but I am ready for this one to pass because it is just so frustrating.
I want to be out there doing social work and really making a difference, not just trying to make my mind about intellectual questions; not that that isn’t worth while, I’m just ready for some work. While I do believe in being educated about your chosen field, I think there is only so much you can learn in a classroom or from a book. The majority of my big decisions are going to be made not based on theories I learned in grad school, but based on experiences of what has worked in the past, my knowledge of resources, my own intuition and God’s providential guidance. That last one isn’t something they teach you about in the College of Social Work either (yet it boggles my mind that I am paying for this education).
I pray that God will give me patience to get through these remaining two years of my degree without going totally insane. Who knows, maybe a little insanity will do me some good.

Future Plans and Present Battles

It has been a while since I have written and, just as before, much has happened. I will be starting my second year of graduate school in August and will also be registered as a student with a disability because I have night-blindness. I have never been formally recognized as having at disability because the state I live in (South Carolina) has no set standards for night vision- that is totally up to the ophthalmologist as to whether or not a person is declared officially “night blind”.
Frankly, it’s a little strange being on the other side of all this paper work. I worked in the office of Academic Services for 3 years at my college and served many students with various disabilities (loved every minute of it) but never thought I would end up being the one requiring services. Also, it’s an odd sensation because I’ve only had this informal diagnosis for 6 years and some days I still feel like I’m just starting to get used to it. One thing I know for sure, God has caused this to happen at this time for a reason. I don’t understand what that reason is right now, but I do have faith that he will make that known in due time.
Also, I will begin my first internship at a senior primary care practice that will last for the whole year. Geriatric social work isn’t an area that I know much about and I have zero experience in the field, but I think that is the purpose of an internship; to give students the opportunity to try out something that is completely outside of their comfort zone and yet still be able to build up their skill set and resume. I am very excited about this internship because my supervisor is wonderful. I knew I was going to like her when she told me that even after being in the social work field for over 20 years, she still learned new things every day. I am looking forward to learning all I can from her.
In addition to these changes, this spring semester (09) was mentally challenging for me in that many of my beliefs and assumptions about politics were challenged and are still in the process of changing. I am reassessing my own understanding of my chosen political party (republican) and I am trying to come up with answers to some questions that are vital to my development as a Christian in the social work field. For example, what is the role of the church in relation to government run programs like food stamps, affordable housing, and unemployment? Also, to what extent is the church to be involved in issues of social justice such as the sex slave trade, marital abuse, equality for women, etc. This is just the tip of the iceburg. Thousands more questions like these are swirling around in my head with no immediate answer available, it can be somewhat overwhelming. However, one thing God has impressed upon me is that this is where he wants me to be at this moment. I have struggled and prayed over the last month about whether God really wanted me to finish my degree. Even in the midst of this struggle, God has made it clear that I am where I am supposed to be and while that may not include having the words to give some grand answer to the hard questions my professors are sure to ask me in the coming semester, I can at least be confident enough to say that I know what I am going to be doing for the next two years. That and just being a faithful student is all that he asks of me now. Not having all the answers now doesn’t mean that I never will, it just means not now.

A Separate Morality

In class last night, during a discussion about belief systems and Socail Work, a fellow classmate began saying that one could have morality and make moral decisions without those morals having any basis in religion. Her arguement was in support of helping clients make the “right” decision without imposing one’s own beliefs on them.
I disagree. I think that separating one’s beliefs from one’s morality leads to either a false morality, or empty beliefs. Consider this, as a Social Worker you encourage a group of young men in the juvenile justice system to be good and do right because that is the right thing to do. You have not given them: a) reason to do good, b) the means to do good, or c) the motivation to do good. Those are things that belief provide to morality. Without belief, morality has no basis whatsoever because belief gives morality a purpose and a direction. Morality without belief is nothing more than a pious proscription; it is empty, meaningless, enslaving, and false. A false sense of morality can enslave one to a cycle of self-doubt, self-reproach, and depression. This is not what any one trying to better themselves should be told.
Now, for clarification, I am speaking from the view point of belief based on Jesus Christ as Savior and recognition of ones’ sin. However, reguardless of whether or not you believe in Jesus, the beliefs you hold become your basis for morality. That is the basic relationship of beliefs and morality. It is not morality that supports the belief (although some may live it out this way), but it is belief that support the morality.
Here is some food for thought: in South Carolina public schools they teach mainly abstinence in sex ed classes. Is it effective when taken out of the context of the sacredness of marriage?